I will start with the most recent "activity" I had with Hayden, rather than trying to go back 7 months in this lame memory of mine. Sunday was a fundraiser for various charities, including a camp for children with cancer, called Walk n Rock. It began with a walk, and ended with an evening concert with KISS at Raley Field. Hayden's parents, Kirk and Jennifer Whelan, participated in the walk, and wanted to enjoy the evening concert, so Aunty Kristen got the grand prize of hanging out with Hayden for the night.
Hayden and I always have fun together, and I enjoy every moment I spend with her sweet spirit. As soon as she arrived she announced that she was hungry, so I made her the macaroni and cheese she brought with her. This meal should always be a "no-brainer" with her, since it has been on her all time favorite list since she first learned to eat. Unfortunately, as I described earlier, eating is a challenge, no matter what the food. I sat and watched her struggle to chew and swallow a total of 10-12 noodles, and that was it.We were done with dinner. Thank goodness for ice cream. No surprise that she didn't seem to have any problems swallowing that!
To wind down the evening, we retreated to my bedroom to chill on the bed, and watch a movie. She chose a Land Before Time sequel on Netflix, and lasted for about half of the movie. I watched her sleep, and was reminded how blessed we are to have her home, on the mend, and blessing our lives every day. One thing is certain, I will never take her life, or anyone's life for granted again. (one of the gifts that cancer bestowed on me).
It is safe to say that all of us that know Hayden, have come out of this a different person. Life is never the same when you have seen someone you love, suffer and survive through such an ordeal. And that seems only fair, because Hayden has had to endure so many changes and consequences of this heartless disease. When I see her longing for what she has lost (her long hair, her ability to eat her favorite foods, the ability to play hard and not tire so easily, the classmates that left her behind when they graduated from 6th grade without her) it breaks my heart. If there was any way that I could restore her life to the previous version, I would do it for her without another thought. I can't say that I would do the same for my own life. I am grateful for the eyes I see with now. I know that everything that happens, God orchestrates with reason and purpose, and I know that the everything that I learned throughout this process was to benefit my life, and those whom lives I will touch. The change in me was very hard earned, and I will "wear" this badge of honor with much gratitude and all the grace I can muster.
Thank you, Hayden for giving me all of the gifts that you have. I am so sorry that some of them have come from your suffering. I hope that I can always be there for you, and I will try my hardest to glean all that I can from your amazing life. I love you so much, sweet girl.
